


they say that the ocean's blue but its black right now

by mercifulgoddess (spaceboinate)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, I'm just venting about something, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Please please do not read this if you're triggered by suicide, Songfic, This is really sad, drown, implied eating disorder, sorry - Freeform, triggering, tyler joseph - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 20:32:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7376392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboinate/pseuds/mercifulgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'in the dark, on the sand, looking out at my crowd'</p>
<p>You can't always fix something that's broken, but Dave feels the need to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	they say that the ocean's blue but its black right now

**Author's Note:**

> This gets very triggering at the end!!! PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'RE TRIGGERED EASILY
> 
> I might take this down if it gets too much. This is a vent fic, and I'm venting about something that happened between me and someone I love. He was Dave, and I was John. 
> 
> So this, in a way, could sum up what's going on in my mind right now. I'm not suicidal, I'm not a self-harmer, but sometimes my mind drifts to that, and I feel that writing through my kin is the best way for me to get it out. I don't like talking about my problems to others, so writing is best for me. 
> 
> There will be an explanation in the end notes, so please read those. 
> 
> My friends will know who this is loosely based off, and if that person does read this, then I beg of him not to say anything about it.
> 
> I wrote this to the song Drown by Tyler Joseph. I recommend listening to it.

They met on a bridge at midnight.  
  
John isn’t sure what day it is, but he knows it’s a Sunday and he knows that he isn't alone. He’s sitting on the edge of the bridge, feet dangling above the raging waters below. It’s windy, and it seems like it might storm, but he doesn’t mind.   
  
He often joked about flying, and it was something he would usually dream about.  
  
He notices the stranger behind him when he hears footsteps. They stop behind him, and not once does he look back. He doesn’t jump, either, when a deep voice says:  
  
"You know, it's too cold for a swim right now."  
  
_I walk to you, rain falls from you_  
  
They meet again at the park. At midnight, on a Sunday.   
  
The wind blows through John's hair, and he comes face to face with the blonde stranger who talked to him on the bridge.   
  
"It's too cold to be out here," the stranger says, his covered gaze falling onto John, who in turn just shrugs.   
  
"Sometimes," he begins, letting his shoulders drop as he turns away to look at the stars. "Sometimes, I wish that the wind could lift me up, so that I could fly. I would join the stars, and all would be right," he whispers, raising his hand as the wind dances on his fingertips.   
  
The blonde haired stranger remained silent. John expected him too.   
  
_Can you wash me, can you drown me?_  
  
The third time they meet, John’s healthier. They meet on a Saturday morning, underneath the cold Washington sun, at a cafe situated on the corner of two streets. He learns that the stranger's name is Dave, and that he’s here visiting his friend Jade.   
  
John gives in and says that Jade is his cousin, that she had mentioned Dave a few times. Dave explains that Jade had mentioned she had a cousin, a cousin that was broken and in need of help.  
  
That makes John laugh. " _Broken? She's a worrier,"_ he says.   
  
They talk a bit more, before parting again. This time, promising to see each other again.   
  
_Here I come, again to you_ _  
Just to show that blood soaked through_  
  
The fourth time, they meet on Jade's birthday. It is a Thursday afternoon, with clear skies and warm weather as if the world knows it’s Jade's birthday. Both boys had hung out with her, and had even skyped her friend Rose with her.   
  
They then walk to the park together. Dave talks, John laughs.   
  
Dave decides he likes the sound of that laugh, and makes a mental note to hear it more often.   
  
_Through my bones and all I own_  
  
They become friends. John’s weird, he has crappy movie tastes and seems to be behind on modern times.   
  
But Dave likes him. And John likes Dave.   
  
John had relayed to Dave that he had never had such a good friend before, that Jade is all he has. He is alone, and because of that he is thankful.   
  
Dave simply shakes his head, gives him a pat on the shoulder and tells him that it’s fine, that he enjoys being around John and that he would gladly stay his friend. So long as John doesn’t murder anyone, that is. This makes John laugh, but he says nothing, just simply walks a little closer to Dave.   
  
_Is there a way for me to grow?_  
  
John never cries. He has nightmares, but the only time Dave has ever seen him shed a tear is when he laughs too much.   
  
Jade explains that John doesn’t like crying, that he thinks it’s a weakness. She explains that he prefers to laugh, that he wants to make others happy and to make them happy he has to show happiness too.   
  
Dave brings up the topic with John, John simply switches topics.   
  
_I walk to you, rain falls from you_  
  
It has been three months since they met on the bridge.   
  
John is distant, Dave tries his best to get close but it never works. Whenever they hang out, John gradually starts to say less and less. Dave keeps up the conversations by rambling, but there’s never any input from John.   
  
Sometimes, Dave feels as if he's facing an empty shell. And by the silence, he may as well be.   
  
_Can you wash me?_  
  
Dave comes back home to his house a month later, on a late Saturday afternoon to a note on his bed. Next to the note is a drawing and a pair of sunglasses. He reads the note, his eyes skimming over the words before reaching the last two sentences.   
  
"You can't fix what's too broken, Dave. I'm sorry I wasted your time."   
  
His eyes soften, and he moves them to the drawing. It was messily drawn, as if it were rushed, and was of a boy playing a piano.   
  
Dave does what he never does, he cries.   
  
_Can you drown me?_  
  
It is midnight on a Sunday, and the blonde boy stands on a bridge. He whispers something to the sky, before the wind claims him too.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a messy breakup. And we didn't stay friends for long either. It's okay, I don't blame him at all. Though it is still saddening. This fic was a result of that, and I guess that I was never destined to find my Dave (or Roxy actually) but it's okay, because I feel okay now. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this, if you made it all the way through, and I'm deeply sorry if I've upset anyone.


End file.
